"Fearless"

Be fearless, or at least try to be.

 Something I have learned over the past two years of living with grief is that if you focus on guarding your heart... you can avoid a lot of pain, but you can also end up living only half a life. 

 Takes a lot to tear down the walls you build up around your heart after it’s been ripped from your chest. It’s something Chad and I talk about often and something I’m always working on; something I’ll always be working on.

 I have so many fears after losing Ryan and sometimes they do control me. My walls are thick, in some parts they are even doubled up. Mostly the ones around Hank. I’m not going to list my fears because I don’t even want them out in the universe, they are big and they are nasty, and they are haunting. Something I definitely need to talk to a therapist about but just haven’t gone down that road yet. Need to take my own advice and just do it even though it scares the hell out of me.

 I’m a work in progress and always will be. I’ve learned that no one truly has their shit together, even if it looks like it through social media and all other outside platforms... EVERYONES got something going on... I am aware of that, trying to be more gentle on myself and on others.

 My widow advice that no one asked for: Follow your heart, let it lead the way, don’t “figure it all out” that’s too dangerous. That’s setting yourself up for heart break. Always be open to change even when you don’t want to be. If something feels right follow it. If something scares you, let it scare you, but do it anyway. You don’t have to figure it out right away, thats the beauty of it. Keep life going, live it.

 Be fearless, or at least try to be…